The leaf crunched under my foot with a satisfying crispy sound. The gray sky was heavy with clouds that looked ready to unload their contents on the dry, autumn day. I opened the Spotify app on my phone and selected a piano and cello playlist as an ambient backdrop to my “thinking walk.” Slipping my […]
I’ve long used January 1st as the day I’m going to get my life together. New diet? Clean slate starts January 1st. Exercise plan? I’ll begin on the first of the year. Keep the Tupperware cabinet from throwing plastic containers at me every time I open it? Organization will commence on the first day of the […]
It only takes a few experiences of loss or long-deferred hopes to become a person bent on protecting yourself from future sorrows. You begin to view every potential good thing in life as the harbinger of your next greatest loss. Rather than bringing your desires and concerns to the Lord with hope that He will […]
I rolled the shell in my hands. My young son had pulled it from the ocean floor just moments before, and I pushed the goggles out of my eyes to have a closer look. Standing in waist-deep water, the waves gently rocked against me as I traced the golden olive shell with my finger. The […]
I was a fearful child. One of my earliest memories is from a night I spent at my grandmother’s house. I was awakened by crashing thunder and streaks of lightning just outside the guest bedroom window. The tornado sirens blared, and I could hear my grandmother’s television on in the living room. I reckoned that […]
One of my favorite things about the book of Psalms is the room given for biblical complaint. In our modern sensibilities, we waffle between respectfully questioning God for His mysterious ways and raising our fists in anguish and frustration. We know that anger feels wrong, so we fight it. But immediate acceptance seems completely out […]
I was on a plane when the tornado hit our town last Sunday. My phone buzzed with notifications while I stood in line to board my connecting flight to California. My husband, sister, brother-in-law, and I had been planning our trip to the West Coast for six months, and I stood with indecision before boarding […]
I started praying for healing about fourteen years ago. I started praying for a baby twenty years ago. Of all the things I have prayed for in this life, those two things have topped my prayer list the longest. With an autoimmune disease that has only fairly recently been tamed, I’ve spent many agonizing nights […]
When I was fourteen, I attended the funeral of an acquaintance who had died in a car accident. She was just sixteen, and it was the first funeral I’d ever attended for someone close to my age. I remember how much I cried, how wrong it felt to bury a teenage girl, how unfair it […]
“Who am I without my thorn?” I asked myself. The needle on the spring-loaded pen was much smaller than I expected. I pinched my skin together and injected my third dose of TNF-blockers into my stomach. For six weeks, I’d been giving myself shots prescribed by my rheumatologist, and I’d watched—incredulous—as my pain levels gradually […]
