I asked what’s hard right now. And you said a lot of things.
A lot of hard things.
One common thread, a blue one soaked in grief and tears and worry, was about waiting.
Waiting to be married, waiting to have children, waiting for a diagnosis, waiting on work, waiting for the right words to say.
Waiting for contentment, waiting for guidance, waiting for healing, waiting, waiting, waiting.
Friends, I know a little about waiting. I’ve knitted those frayed blue threads together with worry and bitterness and worn it around my shoulders, a sweater I hated but couldn’t take off.
I waited to become pregnant. (Thirteen years later, it has never happened)
I waited to adopt. (It took five years)
I waited for a diagnosis. (It also took five years)
I waited and wondered if I’d lose my child. (It took seven months to know I wouldn’t)
Your list might be longer, or maybe it’s a short list but with a longer shelf life. Either way, waiting is some of the most wearying work there is. And I say work because, though waiting seems and sounds passive (and in may ways it is; you can only react to what is or isn’t happening since the reins lie squarely out of your reach), there is the labor of persevering while you wait. In that respect, it is most definitely work to press on while you fight bitterness and anger, cynicism and hard-heartedness.
God has a lot to say about waiting. In fact, He repeatedly sprinkled phrases about waiting throughout the Bible. And you know what is so oddly and maddeningly strange about His thoughts on waiting? He sometimes calls it a blessing, or something to be happy about. Doesn’t that make you squirm? In the thick of waiting it never felt that way to me. I know right now your season of waiting probably feels like an ill-fitting sweater, three sizes too small and made of the scratchiest, itchiest wool that Granny could dig out of her ancient knitting bag.
There is something good that comes from waiting, but it’s hard to define without first talking about what you’re actually waiting on. Unraveling the messy threads of longing can reveal what’s underneath the ache. This, I think, is where waiting can become something equated with blessing.
For so many years I longed for a child. I waited five years for the first one, and then five more years for the second. Throw in some other life events that required open-ended waiting periods, and I feel like I’ve spent a fair amount of my adult life waiting on something. Each time, I thought that the thing I was waiting on would quell my anxious feelings or temper down the lack of contentment I felt as I waited impatiently for circumstances to change or for God to do what I longed for Him to do. If You would just answer this prayer in the way that I want You to, then I could rest and be happy. I could move on. I was so certain that stepping out of my current waiting area would relieve my internal struggles. But each time my name was called and I could leave the waiting room, I would immediately find something else for my heart to feel unsettled about.
And I think this is because I wasn’t waiting on what I thought I was waiting on.
The thing I thought I longed for wasn’t what I longed for.
What my heart really longed for was contentment in Christ.
What I really wanted was Him.
But I was so busy hanging my dreams on the coattails of motherhood, self-identity, knowing a particular outcome, getting to the end of what felt uncomfortable—that I couldn’t hear the real, guttural cry of my heart.
In a very real sense, what your heart is truly longing for is what it was created to long for: the Lord.
All the other things you’re waiting on—a spouse, a child, a job change, a relationship mended, certainty, healing—while these things are not wrong to long and pray for (certainly keep asking the Lord to intervene in your situation!), it is wise to stop and recognize that ultimately if God answered each longing with exactly what you asked for, those things would still miss the mark of your hungry heart. You would walk away with the things you wanted, but without a heart satisfied regardless of the outcome of your prayers–and without that, the ache will continue to bounce around the empty corners of your heart.
I love my children more than my own life, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world. But, they were not meant to satisfy my heart. My husband is the gift I didn’t know I needed when we married over 13 years ago. But God never meant for him to fill the dark corners of wanting that are hidden way down deep. It is a reconciled, right relationship with God that my heart first longed for. And as I’ve grown in my faith, He is still what I need more than anything. My heart will ache for His presence until I stand face-to-face with Him in heaven. That’s a good and right kind of ache because there’s contentment woven through the silken threads of submission to God’s sovereignty over my life. It’s an ongoing weaving, but the gathering threads of contentment began in the waiting. God longs to be good to us, and in allowing us to wait through painful seasons, He’s teaching us to long for His presence because He is absolutely with us while we wait.
Hear me, friend.
He is with you while you wait. Near. Present. Close.
And I think it’s what’s behind Scriptures like these:
Therefore the Lord is waiting to show you mercy, and is rising up to show you compassion, for the Lord is a just God. All who wait patiently for Him are happy. (Isaiah 30:18, emphasis mine)
The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him. It is good to wait quietly for deliverance from the Lord. (Lamentations 3:25-26, emphasis mine)
The thing the people are waiting on looks like compassion, mercy, deliverance. But ultimately, it’s the Lord behind it all. He is the Giver and Sustainer of life. And it is good to wait for Him because the heart will learn to be satisfied by His presence when all the heart has is His presence. It is enough.
It is right to petition God for your needs and desires. Longing to be married or to have a child or to know what the Lord is calling you to do with your life—those are not wrong desires. They are good things when they do not overshadow your desire to be content under the umbrella of God’s current display of goodness in your life. It is not wrong to ask God to intervene! Where else can you go if not to the Father who loves to give good gifts to His children? He sees the anguish in your heart, the hurt of unmet desires, the sting of watching others taking for granted what you long to have or be. He hears your cry and does not forget it (Psalm 9:12). He sees your troubles and takes the matter into His hands (Psalm 10: 14). Following Christ means that God is for you and your good (Romans 8:28-31, Psalm 56:9). He answers when you call out to Him, and though sometimes it is hard to swallow His answer, He is with you in trouble (Psalm 96:14-16). It is a courageous thing to wait with contentment when you don’t know the Lord’s plan (Psalm 27:13-14).
You might be thinking, That’s easy for you to say. The Lord has already answered your prayers. But, there were long months and years where silence was on the end of every painful prayer. When I watched others move easily through life without doing any serious waiting, I was jealous. I didn’t want any spiritual lessons. I wanted what I wanted. But it was good for me to have to wait. I learned that my heart needed to do the weary work of waiting so that it would learn to be satisfied in God alone. Alone. Not in babies or my marriage or in a job or role, not in making a name for myself or feeling accepted in relationships. My soul needed to find rest in God alone, and so it was good for me to wait in order to learn the rhythm of being satisfied with only God’s presence. It was enough for me then, and it will be enough for me in the future when I’m sure I will enter another season where I long for a different outcome.
The Lord holds your future, friends. He actually says that in Psalm 16. There’s rest in knowing that He securely holds your future. Let that knowledge bind itself to your heart with peace. While you wait for what your heart hopes for, know that the Lord’s presence is what your heart needs. Someday you will look back on how faithful the Lord was to you in the wilderness, and you can speak about His nearness while you waited.
But as for me, God’s presence is my good. I have made the Lord God my refuge, so I can tell about all You do. (Psalm 73:28)
I couldn’t get Andrew Peterson’s song “The Silence of God” out of my mind while writing this post. I hope you’ll listen and be encouraged.
Glenna Marshall is married to her pastor, William, and lives in rural Southeast Missouri where she tries and fails to keep up with her two energetic sons. She is the author of The Promise is His Presence (P&R) and Everyday Faithfulness (Crossway), and Memorizing Scripture (Moody). Connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.
This was so encouraging to me this afternoon. We are in a season of waiting since our church plant closed in June. We are beginning to have some ideas about where God is leading us next, but he hasn’t yet opened the doors for us to step into it, and I’m not exactly sure how long that process will take. Waiting is some of the hardest work I’ve ever done. And I LOVED the Andrew Peterson song; I’ve just recently discovered his music, but I hadn’t listened to that one yet. Thanks!
I’m so glad it was encouraging for you, Amy!
Waiting IS hard work, and it’s wearying, too. I pray you can treasure the Lord’s presence while you wait for direction, and that He makes the path clear to you soon.
AP’s music is so good! “Give Us Faith to Be Strong” is one that goes on repeat when I’m really worn down.
With His grace I wait, for He makes all things beautiful in His time. Broken into a thing of beauty the one He wants me to be. Not easy, downright painful but the One who loves me knows what’s best. Praise my God in the name of Jesus! Amen !
Yes, I too have had to wait much: senior year of high school for my soprano voice to be recognized;summer after my junior year of college before getting to serve as a summer missionary — these were the first times I heard God say He wanted me to wait. It’s a good thing He started teaching me early because then I had to wait until almost 31 to marry the man of my dreams, followed by three years of infertility before becoming a mom through adoption. Then all those years as an adoptive mom, waiting for my children to learn to attach — this didn’t happen until they were well into their 20s.
Yes, waiting is an integral part of a growing faith. Thank you for sharing your experiences and what God has taught you along the way.
A verse God gave me way back in college was Psalm 37:3 (NASB), “Trust in the Lord and do good; Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.” He wanted me to learn to be faithful, as well as learn of His faithfulness by staying put.
Loved this, Glenna – thank you!
Glenna! Thank you! I needed to read this today. I’ve actually been clinging to Psalm 73:28 as well. It is truly good to be near God.
What amazing timing God has, to lead me to this after a season of waiting that peaked in a bout of self pity today. As I was rowing and praying at the gym after work, I realized, it isn’t about me! Why the pity party? Pride! That awful Satonic feeling of self worth. Give it to Jesus, lay it at his feet. He’ll help with the wait, and tell me again, how much He loves me and nothing, absolutely nothing else matters♡ Thank you for this.